My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
