He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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