As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
