Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
