my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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