i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
