So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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