pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize