This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
