She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
