shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
