I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
