You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
