Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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