my phone needs a breathalizer
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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