Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
