And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
