in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
