Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
