Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I lost the right to judge tonight
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
