Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
