he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
