dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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