i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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