he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
