i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize