Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
