Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize