totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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