I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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