So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
