Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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