And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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