Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
