....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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