What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
