the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
