i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
