I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
