playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
