take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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