she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
