After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
