id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
