The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have fence marks all over my body
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
