yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
