The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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