oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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