Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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