How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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