He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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