I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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