Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
