Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just high enough for therapy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
