Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize