you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone came in the potted fern
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
