Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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