if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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