i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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