I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
