Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
