if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
