She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
