Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
