I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
