he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
