i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
